Decision Time

Today, and the past few days I've had a lot of thinking to do. More evaluating rather than thinking actually. Here is what I've come up with thus far: Why can't someone decide life-changing decisions for me? Then I could be mad at them if the decision was the wrong one and not beat myself up about a decision I made wrong. I know that if someone did decide things for me, if that's how life worked, I wouldn't be happy about it and I would probably complain about how I wish I could make my own choices. And yet I find myself wishing, wanting, hoping for some magical epiphany to come slap me in the face and show me exactly what it is I need to do. Being someone that has always, for as long as I can remember, known what she's want to do, I'm completely lost in this new territory of questioning my life and the choices I've made up to this point. I'm thrown off and it feels as if I've lost my ground and that scares me. Mainly because the unknown is always a frightening thing, but as I've stated, the fact that I have always had my life goals and dreams in order I've never had to worry about what I wanted to do. 


"The more decisions that you are forced to make alone, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose." - Thornton Wilder


I haven't yet decided how I'm going to handle this stage in my life. I know that I need to do some meditating on the pros and cons of all of my options, but there's my other dilemma; my options are so wide and varied I'm not sure where to even begin. This is going to be a difficult step in my journey, but that's the point. I'm grateful for the challenge, even if I can barely breathe when I start to think about any of it. I know that I will get through this and whatever happens...happens. Until I figure out what exactly my plan is, my life will be a frantic and miserable search to "find myself" for lack of a better cliché phrase. 


"We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision." - Gary Collins


On another note, the first week at college, Spring Semester 2011 went well. I did great at my workout and truly began eating healthy. It was a great first week. For this long weekend I traveled home and that wasn't so helpful on my strict diet and exercise regimen, but once I go back to school I know I can handle it again.