Long Time...No Post

Hello there. First off I would like to apologize for my long leave of absence. I have been incredibly...lost. I would say busy but that's not necessarily true. I could've been, I have plenty to do but I haven't really done much. Which is nice is some aspects because it's summer and I'm constantly doing something during the school year. My "journey" has gone over a small bump. Easily seen, difficult to fix.

I've been searching and reading quotes (one of my favorite hobbies) but all they've seemed to do lately was bring up more questions. For example:

"Don't lose the best thing in your life just because you are not sure" - Nicholas Cage ...Well how do you know if it's the best thing in your life or not?

"Have the courage to live, anyone can die?" - Robert Cody ...Where do we find the courage?

"Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." - Walter Anderson ...How can you be honest with yourself if you don't know what you're lying about?


It's disappointing to find out that the act you put on, that smile that you sometimes fake isn't getting past those that look after you. Those that love you. It's easy to think that you have everyone fooled, even yourself. As an actress I thought that it would be easy to fake happiness, it turns out that it's harder than it looks. You can just put on the smile and all of a sudden you're happy. And it seems that no matter what you do to try and make yourself happy nothing works because at the end of the day the smile fades and your left with memories. There's still that empty feeling sitting inside you. How do you fill it?

It's hard to admit it but I am lost. I feel like I'm falling. And I've been falling for a long time I didn't want to believe it so I ignored it. That made it worse. Now I'm stuck. I don't know which way to go. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. The thing that hurts the most is that no one can help me with this. No worries, it's not that I don't have the help if I needed it, I have tons of support and love but this is my life and my decisions and I need to be the one to make them without the influence of others words. I need to be independent on this. It's not the mistakes that I'm worried about making. It's not the hurt that I'm afraid of. It's the fear that I won't find what I'm looking for. If I could I would just run away. That would be far too simple. I know that I'm stronger than that.

"It's not hard to fine the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it."

"Life only demands from you the strength that you possess. Only one feat is possible, not to run away." - Dag Hammarskjold

I have one of the toughest challenges in life presented to me. I have to find out who I am and what I want. So again I say I'm lost.

If I'm lost then where am I?